God asked me to do something. I didn't mind doing it but see, I wanted some answers first. The what, when, and where. You know the usual "Who all going? Where we going?" questions we asked when the answers we receive determines if we really gonna commit to this thing or not.
Now in the midst of all this, I got some family drama going on and I can't lie, that thing cut deep! If anything else could go wrong, this would be the thing but that's another story for a different day.
So going back to God. He never answered my questions. The man got silent on me. It's like he left me on read and I'm like "I know you see me calling. I know you're getting my messages". How many calls, texts, and emails I gotta send out for you to answer me. Im getting afraid because usually we dont go this long without talking. I go from trying to play it cool to worrying what went wrong. So you know what I did right? I played it off and started doing my own thing.
Well not really my own thing. I did do what he asked but he still ain't talking to me. Now I'm thinking we better than this! So you still wanna give me the silent treatment after I did what you've asked of me?! Talk about entitlement! The audacity to demand anything when just a few weeks ago I was too scared to do what was told of me. How can I be entitled and fearful at the same time? Yea the reality set in for me. But I don't stay don't down for long! I gotta keep moving.
See, how I move on from anything or anybody is to just focus on the next. Imma do me and what's best for me! I got this! Plus I found a couple of people to stroke the ego so there you go .
Yall I'm working, moving to the beat of my own drum and I actually feel good about it. Nothing and no one is holding me down. But let's face it. Something feels off. So what do I do? I go back to God. I'm a little nicer this time because I recognized my wrongs in the beginning. It was like hitting up that first love again. The only thing I could ask of him at this time was clarity. I couldn't put my finger on it but I knew somewhere in my doing, that I was losing my connection. I went on a fast to show him how serious I was. Day one turned into day 20 when he gave me all the clarity I needed.
God straight told me in so many words "I'm not one of your little friends. You're an impatient, prideful person with bad character but I love you and want to give you the world. Please let me show you.
We, well I am back doing life together with him and every day he's correcting me in the most loving way. He's so patient yet stern and I love it. The journey continues and the story unfolds...
Comments